Overly Optimistic. Finally Attending My Pity Party.

Some back story: I stepped up to the 2020 Olympic trials marathon line in the best shape of my life, but holding on to my health by a thread! No one noticed but me.

I was nursing an ankle strain incurred three days before the race and got my very first cortisone shot to mask the pain for this race. The gun went off and it hurt,

But mile 6 the pain went away and I felt so grateful and took off, every mile feeling stronger and stronger, helping other women along the way as I passed effortlessly but with support and love for my fellow teammates in sport. Mile 18 came so easily and still stronger, and then, I broke again, this time flying effortlessly through mile 18, all of a sudden, collapse -

I had to be carried off the course- my nightmare!

After everyone asked if I was ok, of course, I was fine. It's just a race.

I went to work as a P.E. and Health teacher on crutches and a boot. The school is huge, I could hardly make it down the hall in the 5 minutes passin period to the other side of the building to teach a Health class much less show kids how to do ladder drills and lift heavy weights during my P.E. classes.

But I did it all with a smile yet sweating profusely. Slowly, I slipped into mental health battles that required a lot of resetting. I didn't see how it was eating me alive day after day little by little until I couldn't take it anymore.

I knew what it felt like to feel joy, to love again, to spread energy and joy to my community, and to put others before myself, and I found this through teaching, running, feeling big, and the camaraderie of team, true unconditional friendship.

So, I took some huge, scary steps: I got a coach who would tell me to SIT DOWN when I needed to rest, a nutritionist who would challenge some of my choices and behaviors, and a therapist who could help me gain perspective and clarity.

These people loved me more than I loved myself at that time - they believed in me- not how fast I was, how I looked, or anything...through a shared google doc,virtual meetings, and the Healthie Ap, I learned how to love myself into full health providing me a freedom from the slavery of never feeling enough to knowing I was always and will always be enough- no matter the accomplishment, the look, or the risk.

It comes down to this: I love to wake up early and watch the sunrise while doing a swift 10 miler with my teammates, I love to lift weights and get strong, I love to be apart of the running community and meet new people; I love to travel and explore new places on foot, I love to challenge myself. It's fun, it's fiery, it's my life!

And so, with this resetting, I humbly ask God to lead me in the way of love, compassion, fire, courage, bravery, so that when things go awry, I am ok. Life is good. That I can accept the piece of the pie I was given and be so grateful for that. And hey, if he gives me the whole pie, well, then the whip cream on top will be all the relationships, moments, adventure, and life that I got to feel and experience with my best family and friends.

Today, I meet Coach Sheldon Webster for coffee and we talked for 2 hours over coffee. Both of us having gone through some hard life challenges- his the loss of both parents within a short period of time, mine, a spiritual awakening that only time and maturity could move. Today, we talked more real and more reasonable than ever before. So if anything gets "done" in this goal, we have already accomplished the most: rekindling a family friendship that will last a lifetime. Because at the least I get to run fast and the most, I get ot have coach and our family's have some time and adventures in this one life. So whatever it is you are hesitant to do, know the first step is enough to to start a fire within you and all those who are apart of your circle.