Hope. Goals. Guts. Now That's Livin'

Goal Sub 2:37 OTM 2024

Why? Heat. Passion. Sacrifice. Relationships. Adventure. Experiences. Courage.

I’ve been a competitive athlete, particularly distance running, for over 3 decades: From crossing my first middle school cross country race finish line -nearly in last place with barfth on my chin- to running for both NCAA and NAIA collegiate teams, to training for three Olympic Marathon Trials while working, giving birth, and raising a family, to running the fastest female 50 miler trail race in 2020.

The highs are plenty and worthy, but so are the lows. It’s in those dips where true growth occurred for me- it seemed like only one little lesson for each challenge. So you can imagine how much I have learned, but also, how much more work needs to be done. So in reflecting, I zoom into the challenge all athletes face at some point in their career: the difficult transition from 100% focus and determination towards realizing a goal to the absence of it all, and on top of that, a body that an athlete has to embrace as invincible to broken- sometimes- immobilized. What to do?

The last two years have presented me with gifts wrapped in sandpaper. I am one of those moles who keep popping up with a grin only to get whacked back down again til I finally learn: I am human! Whack A Mole lol

One of the hardest lessons I had to learn was to train hard, but recover harder. This has always needed a difficult dance for me as a mom, teacher, trainer, and friend. Obviously, my sport is literally practicing sitting in discomfort and focusing for hours at a time, doing this lots and lots of times until it becomes second nature for your mind and body, and BUT, erase all that when an unexpected challenge comes- actually immediately start doing the opposite. REST they say. The thing is, I understand this process very well. Train hard then recover harder to absorb the adaptations targeted in that hard as heck track workout or tempo run. But it never gets easier to go from one lifestyle driven by a dream, goal, invincibility to-sit down, rest, and be ok with that. HA!

I finally realized just how important it is to stop when my body or mind says it needs a short break. Training is not linear. But darn it’s hard to remember that when you've got that momentum! Plus, we all know if you want to be good, better, you have to take some risks - and with that comes judgment, injury, even some mental health battles. Hey, no one said being an athlete was always healthy. It's about the sport, the goal -sometimes. Sometimes, you have to be ok walking a tightrope during training if you are aiming for the stars. Workouts should scare you sometimes- if they don’t, you are not challenging yourself enough to grow- if that’s your goal.

The fact is this- after the injury from the Trials in 2020, I didn't get the level of care my body needed- and that's my own fault. So I spent 2 years yo yo training - getting fit then being so disappointed with an injury. They would pop up like little fires - Obviously! Your leg is not healed and you run on it, your achilles lights up, then your hip tears, then your foot, then…you get it …it's simple really.

SIMPLE-running through pain only causes more pain. Sufferfests are ok-great when inserted into a well developed program, but never pain or a disturbed strides. I don't run to eat, to lose weight, to smell the roses(although this is a nice benefit sometimes): I run to train. I run to push myself beyond my wildest dreams, but one cannot do this unless he or she fully comprehends and embraces hard recovery practices. And so sometimes a hard reset is what is required to learn and grow. I surrender. No more running through pain, injury, or for anyone else's approval but my own.

Today, I have a goal. Today, I am so enlightened through the perseverance of all the challenges my athletic career has presented, that I am truly able to set a goal scarier than I have ever set: Running faster than I have ever run by over 3 minutes as a masters athlete. Not only that, but one who has had injuries and struggles that could easily keep me from reaching this goal.

Why would I put myself in such a vulnerable situation? Because I have faith, acceptance, and perseverance that I am sure will award me some of the richest experiences one can enrapture in ife. You guys, by chasing this goal, I will get to connect with more people who like me are goal driven, adventurers; I get to travel to places with mom or dad in finding that perfect course and race and in the in between laugh smile and spend time with my favorite humans; I get to show my girls to have big goals that scare the shit out of them and let them see all the problems, challenges, fires that I will have to endure, figure out, and decide I will keep moving forward the best I can; I get to share share really high emotional moments with my people.

I get to share energy with my teammates and running buddies; I get to reconnect with my coach(Webster) and his wife as they are like family to us; I get to experience life. So, even if I don’t literally achieve this goal, I will have won just because of the process, the living of it all. Without a doubt though, when I say I am going to run fast, really fast. I believe it. I feel it in my bones.

Now for the real truth, I haven't run in 8 weeks. That’s right. But listen, this is what it takes to be great. My running muscles needed some hard resets after the trauma I endured running 18 miles of the 2020 Trials with a broken ankle which obviously caused a broken leg in three places. The healing from this has been a bumpy road. Only now am I getting the actual help I need to reset. My doctor says we are peeling the layers back on the onion and it is working. I don’t care if I don’t start running again for 4 more weeks! Cause when I do come back, it will be progressive, patience, hard as Heck, with lots of love for my body in between. I can’t wait to start, but y’all know the work will be in the recovery - the hard as F will be the playground! Wish me luck and prayers. Our running community here in STL is the BEST!