Expectation: Friend? Teammate? Social?

Getting REAL vulnerable here- But I would love feedback and perspective.

Is it wrong to hit the snooze option or even the block when you need a break.

When we like the human -in person-but struggle with the dichotomous image of this same human's social persona.

Honesty, in order to protect some of my in person relationships, I sometimes need to snooze social posts- not because I am trying to be hurtful, but because I value the REAL relationship that is us- And I get a choice on what boundaries I need in order for us to enjoy what we do together. We don't have to be perfect together- we are not married - even marriage takes work. Can I just have you in person and in the capacity our relationship thrives: work, school, running, ect.

What are your thoughts out there?

You may wonder, what does this have to do with running? Well, just like the saying, "happy wife, happy life," so to may be your relationships in and around your running life. Happy team, Fast marathon- ha! maybe not, but, is there some causation and not just correlation in maintaining healthy, communicative, honest relationships in order to reach your full potential.

Through my running career, I have had many training partners. I have enjoyed most of them- maybe I can say All of them. But, in looking back, I can now see that I thrive around teammates that are confident, self sufficient, the type who do the most difficult work, get it done and never blame the watch, the shoes, the coach, the weather, the blah, blah, blah, the ones who always take responsibility- these are the ones who I thrive around. I used to feel badly about this, but why? It is who I am and we all have "types" that we thrive around and work best with- can this be ok? I have had hardships in life that have required very hard hard work so I sometimes want to take care of others who seem stuck- I want to help them become unstuck too. I noticed that in the past when I insert myself into groups where there are a lot of problems, excuses, excessive neediness and expectation, I get real tangled and upset like- ha! My husband likes to remind me that I came from a serious athletic mindset that is different than most and that I simply cannot change others into what I want them to be; that I need to accept them and just have boundaries and awareness around this. Wow, I am learning so much about people. I couldn't understand how someone viewed running in this way! blasphemous- ha! Geez, I needed to learn a lot. Running comes in many forms, many goals, with many types of people. How wonderful of a community we are as runners. I am open. I am willing. I want ALL the training buddies!

I try not to “keep score” in my relationships.

Thinking like, I did this for you so now you should do this for me if you really care about me.

Basically, if I want to do something for a friend, for my family it is because I want to- I don't want anything in return. Not even a thought of something.

So, I do not take it personally when my friend does not want to or can't do something for me that I want at that moment because of her lifestyle.

That's ok!

In fact, that's great she takes care of herself and family first. I am a grown woman with a husband and family if I am truly in need. And if this friend is true- she will call me and tell me her needs and I will come running.

No games. No iffy expectations. Just Trust, Communication, and No Score Card.

Am I a bad friend because I am not suffering when my friend is suffering?

Do we need to “prove” to the people we love by being in pain alongside them?

I can’t decide.

Mostly because someone I love or really care about is always going through something hard- sickness, injury, death, loss, mental illness or worse.

And if I feel everybody's pain- I am in pain all the time. I manage this by making sure I take care of my babies and my own pain or when I am strong I can then reach out to another, but I also have to stay positive and care for what is in front of me in my life to allow for growth and joy within my little family.

I just don’t know.

I am bit lost with this relationship conundrum.

I am teachable. Anyone?

How do you manage your friendships and relationships while tending to your family, home, career?

I believe it is true that friendships, relationships allow us to really see ourselves.

They allow us to truly feel compassion, empathy, and confidence that we can show up for another human we care about; but, it also forces us to admit our character defects or just how we may fall short of another’s expectations of us.

This can cause suffering.

Especially if you are a person who fears judgment and wants to do everything really well for everybody. Well, this is impossible if you are a woman with children, pets, a career, and other passions. Sometimes, you are unable to “show up” the way all your relationships expect for you to do when they do it. This is hard. Hard on both sides.

But, I think in the end- understanding that there is love, care, kindness, and trust, we can always come back together and have a great time - laughing, doing what we do together, and just being ok with what each of us does the other hours of the day when we are not together.

. I think I am learning that I can have lots of relationships because I love people and that each has its own place and boundaries.

Many of my most solid relationships are with people who have come and gone from my life- but are always just a text, phone call away for reconnection; when we come together- its like nothing has changed- no resentment, expectation or judgment.

Some of my friends are just running buddies, some are neighbors, some are travel buddies, some are work buddies, some are blood, some are animals some are all of the above!- all of them mean very much.

Even if I can't be the friend of the sister or the daughter or the coach or the teacher or the teammate you need me to be right now- know that I always care and that I am trying- I will do whatever I can to take care of myself, my husband and children, my career, my passion, and then, and then, I will try to care for you too in the capacity you need me to.

But if I fall short, I am sorry, I am a work in progress, I make mistakes, I suffer when others suffer, AND I will always help you if you communicate your needs to me: I am terrible at playing games or trying to “figure out” needs. Be my friend and tell me what you need- you have to clearly tell me; otherwise, I may just not get it.

My point today is, I may not be alone here; and Really, we may be able to save some lost relationships that should still be thriving.